Lending Money: Navigating Stokvels, Family Obligations & Black Tax

The Reality: Stokvels, Family Obligations & “Black Tax”

In some countries, lending money is often not just a personal choice—it’s tied to culture, family responsibility, and community expectations.

1. Stokvels: When Lending Becomes Collective Pressure

Stokvels are built on trust and mutual support, but they can create tricky situations when a member needs extra help outside the agreed structure.

For example:

• A stokvel member asks you for a personal loan because they’ve already exhausted their monthly payout.
• Someone misses contributions and expects understanding because “we’re like family.”

Practical approach:

• Stick to the stokvel rules—those rules exist to protect everyone.
• Avoid mixing stokvel money with personal loans.

If you help, keep it separate and clearly defined as outside the stokvel agreement.

👉 Remember: compassion doesn’t mean bending rules that could destabilize the entire group.

2. Family Obligations and Extended Family Support

Many people financially support parents, siblings, or extended family—especially during emergencies like funerals, school fees, or medical costs.

This support can slowly shift from occasional help into expected financial dependence.

Ask yourself:

• Am I helping temporarily or enabling long-term dependency?
• Is this support affecting my own financial stability?

Practical approach:

• Set a monthly support limit you can afford.
• Differentiate between support (groceries, school fees) and loans (cash expected to be repaid).
• Be honest about your financial capacity—even with family.

Supporting family should not come at the cost of your own financial future.

3. “Black Tax”: A Reality That Needs Boundaries

Black tax is a lived reality for many - the unspoken expectation to financially support family once you’re earning.

While rooted in love and responsibility, black tax can lead to:

• Delayed personal goals (buying a home, saving, investing)
• Guilt-driven lending
• Burnout and resentment

Practical approach:

• Budget for black tax intentionally, instead of responding to requests emotionally.
• Communicate limits clearly and consistently.
• Say no when a request falls outside what you’ve planned for.

💡 Planning for black tax is not selfish - it’s sustainable.

Quick Checklist: Should You Lend Money?

Before lending money to family, friends, or colleagues, pause and run through this checklist:

✔ Financial Readiness

1. Can I afford to lose this money if it’s never repaid?
2. Will lending affect my rent, groceries, debt repayments, or savings?

✔ Emotional Readiness

1. Will I feel resentful if repayment is late or doesn’t happen?
2. Can I separate this loan from the personal relationship?

✔ Clarity & Boundaries

1. Have we agreed on the exact amount?
2. Is the repayment date or schedule clear?
3. Is this a loan or a gift? (Be honest.)

✔ Practical Safeguards

1. Is the agreement written down (even informally)?
2. Am I lending without pressure, guilt, or emotional manipulation?

✔ Relationship Protection

1. If things go wrong, will this damage the relationship?
2. Would saying no actually preserve the relationship better?

If you answer no to more than two of these questions, it may be wiser not to lend.

Final Thought for Readers

In many African countries, money often carries emotional and cultural weight. Lending is not just a financial act - it’s a relational one.

The healthiest approach is not avoiding help altogether, but helping with boundaries, clarity, and intention.

Your financial well-being matters too.